Prayer

When I was a Christian in the traditional, patriarchal way, my prayers consisted mostly of memorized words that were hurriedly mumbled without thought to their meaning; fervent pleas for forgiveness of what the Catholic Church had taught me was sin; or desperate bargaining when something unfavorable happened in my life. Almost never did I just stop and say a prayer for thanks or celebration that didn’t have some kind of guilt attached.

If I felt joyous, that feeling was quickly overshadowed by the stern reminder that took on the form of a bearded God judging me from his throne in the clouds that I was inherently sinful, in fact I was cursed from the moment of I conceived – original sin – and I had no right to be joyful.

If I felt contentment, I was reminded by that same God that these feelings were fleeting, for I must always be on my guard against sin and Satan, and that suffering was itself a prayer to Him.

When something “happened” to me and it did “happen” because God is in control of our lives, not us, I made bargains, “If you make this better, I promise I’ll never….” The outcome was never satisfactory to me and only furthered my guilt. I had to right to bargain with God.

I no longer pray like this, nor is my God the severe, judge I was taught. I see God as actually God and Goddess, the co-creators of my spirit who delight in me. I was created in love and magic, sinless. They foster a desire for me to cultivate peace, love and justice; to be a part of a universe that is a celebration of life.

I pray to them to thank them for imparting in me my uniqueness and to share my joy of living this life. When I make a mistake or hurt another, they take me into their loving embrace and reassure me that I am still loved unconditionally and guide me to seek experience and wisdom from my mistake.

When they feel my joy, wonder and peace, it is reflected to the world.

When I pray now, it is with a sense of true spirituality, love, gratefulness and awe.

God, as defined by traditional Christian doctrine limits many of us to a fearful relationship with our Creator. God is entirely more immense than we could ever imagine, so why should we imagine we know who He or She or It is and tell others that their image is false?